It appears as though no one is yet interested in little old me. That's 'cause they don't know that I'm funny, yet. It'll happen. I guaran-damn-tee it.
Perhaps I'm too late hopping on the blogosphere bandwagon, but no matter. I need writing samples, remember? One way or the other, this is time spent productively. But it sure would be nice if someone would, I don't know, leave a comment or something. It's fun, right?
In the interest of providing something of substance to anyone who may be reading, I've compiled a Little Bit O' Fun for today.
Things Never To Do When Dining Out With Your Gal
Wanna learn a lot about someone? Take 'em out to dinner. Watching a person's behavior in a restaurant is a great way to learn what makes them tick. Here's what not to do if you ever want your lady to join you for dinner again.
Snap, whistle, or clear your throat loudly to get your server's attention.
Your server is not a dog. No lady wants to be associated with a guy who treats their server as such.
Tell engaging stories with your mouth full.
Should be common sense, right? Wrong. I've spent years of my life serving, and it's astonishing how often people forget the most basic manners. Remember, manners are all about courtesy. If you won't do her the courtesy of sheltering her from your pre-digested noodles, what other courtesies can she expect you to omit?
On the other hand...
Eating so ravenously that there's no time for conversation.
Slow down, buckaroo. The night is about getting to know her. The food is just an extra perk. Take your time at dinner, and maybe she'll stick around for dessert.
Stingy Tipping
Nothing says romance like a cheap guy. If you can afford to eat out, you can afford to tip your server 20%. Period. Undertipping will send her the signal that you'll be stingy with her, too.
Answer your cell phone at the table
First, you're on a date. Your phone should be turned off. In the rare instance that your phone must be left on, turn it to vibrate and ignore it during dinner. Cell phone discussions at the dinner table not only interrupt your time together, but they are disruptive to other diners, too. Remember, she cut time out of her busy schedule to have dinner with you. Dinner-time phone calls will tell her that the only schedule that matters to you is your own.
Complain
So you're food's not perfect, or your server is a little slow. If that's the worst thing that happens to you today, it's been a pretty good day. So don't grouse about your server, the food, the weather, or anything else you may encounter on your date. Graciousness is very attractive. It shows you have perspective. World Peace matters. Little Inconveniences, not so much. Remember Thumper: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
Forget to be a gentleman
Probably the number one complaint I hear from my girlfriends about men is that guys don't act like guys anymore. Even the most militantly feminist gals in our crew appreciate a guy who will offer to get the door, check her coat, or pick up the tab. She may decline these invitations, but that's not what matters. What matters is that your mama taught you right, and that means a willingness to be chivalrous when the opportunity presents itself.
It all boils down to The Golden Rule, fellas. Treat everyone around you as though they're as important as you are, and you'll demonstrate to your gal that you're not walking around with your head in orfaces unseen. At the end of the day, guys, we don't expect super-heroics...at least, not until the third date. Regardless of her taste in men, one truth is universal--no woman is looking for selfishness or rudeness.
Got questions about how to behave when you're on the town with your lady? Send 'em my way!
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